He may be 23 now. A good young man with a huge heart. Perhaps he got greedy. Perhaps he saw how easy it was to make money by dealing on the streets. In life, and especially on the streets, you have to be prepared to pay the price for this lifestyle.
I wonder if he was prepared.
I have 2 brothers, a younger and older one. Let’s call the older one James for the sake of this tale. The young man in the belly of the beast is his son, Joe. His first son. His abandoned son.
James divorced his first wife over 10 years ago. In the process of the divorce he apparently decided to divorce his children as well. I do know that one of the reasons he divorced his children was to avoid paying child support.
His left behind 2 beautiful daughters and a handsome young man. They pursued James for attention throughout the years.
They were starving for attention from their father, wouldn’t you do the same?
At every turn we would give them the cold shoulder and send them on their way back to their mother.
Joe was left to be the man of the house. A responsibility he took very seriously. It has been obvious to me that he was determined to do for his family what his father wouldn’t do.
I have also concluded that he not only wanted them to survive, but he also wanted to show his father that he could do better without him. At any cost and at any risk.
A few years ago I was invited to one of his sister’s birthday parties. I was blown away by the lavishness of the party. BLOWN AWAY! Money was obviously not an issue in organizing this party.
A year or so later his youngest sister turned 15 and needed to have it celebrated in grand style. By far, it was the biggest “quincenera” I have ever attended. He even had 2 bands! Paul (my baby brother) later told me that Joe paid for it almost exclusively.
I wonder if he was prepared.
Why would anyone do this? Joe is not some sloppy thug with your standard issue stereotypes. He was extremely and humble. I suppose behind that he may have been a ruthless kingpin. That is a side I never saw.
So why would a grown man make these stupid decisions? Why would he risk his life? Why would he sell poison to his people? Why?
I am of the opinion that most of are destined to live out the same patterns of our parents. Most of the times it is out of our awareness of course.
Most people would agree that we are the product of our parents and their teachings, behaviors, and belief systems. ( A Roman Catholic family does not give birth to a Muslim child)
Let’s take a trip back to Mexico to the year 1969. James was 4 years old. A real rebellious young man I have been told. Our mother apparently must have been struggling at the time and had our grandmother taking care of James.
He grew to be really close to our grandmother. So much so that he would run from our mom whenever she came around to pick him up. My mother even says that at one point our grandmother locked her up in jail because she tried to take James back.
During this time our father decided to come to the US to get a job and make some money, like many Mexican men still do today. Shortly after that our mother decided to follow the man of her life and join him in the United States.
Meanwhile back in Mexico they leave not only James but also Jill, my older sister.
Imagine for a moment being 5 years old and looking up and not having your parents around. Keep in mind he was at an age where he clearly knew they were his parents. Would you feel abandoned?
I am sure there is much more to the story. Why would I make these conclusions?
Eventually James grew up and made the same trek his father did 13 years earlier. I didn’t even know I had a brother until one day he showed up at our house. I truly do not recall my parents ever telling us about him.
Throughout the years his relationship to my parents has been highly volatile. My mother has quoted James as saying that “I did not breast feed, I sucked the tit of a dog”.
Every single time my mother quotes him she tears up. It really hurts her. She is disgusted by his attitude towards her even though she has helped him numerous times. There have been instances where we have truly come together as a complete family(or so it seemed) and laughed together.
My brother, James, is hurting. He has a deep pain. He was abandoned. I am sure his story is completely different from my mother and fathers. In his world and as he sees it, he was left behind to “suck from the tit of a dog” for survival.
He has done a damn good job of surviving. He built a self defense system that will not allow him to love his family. To not be hurt nor care. He has gone on to marry again and have 2 more children.
His patterns continue to be the same. At no point has he admitted to making mistakes for how he has handled his older children.
Meanwhile Joe is sitting in jail right now. Most people do not recognize the extent men will go through to win approval from their fathers. We as sons have our pride and deny that our fathers drive and motivate us until our death. Many of us are destined to live out our father’s patterns.
So the question begs to be asked again… why?
Why not?
They are our models. Whether they are good models is insignificant. One can argue that we are all given free will and “should” do better. And I would agree. However, history has proven that despite what we as people “should” do, many of us do not!
My nephew is a good man. Is he a complete man? Obviously not, I know I am not.
It killed me to tell him years ago to home to his mother because his father did not want to be his father. He must have been 13. I told him to enjoy being young and wait until he was old enough to work and I would help him anyway I could. He wiped the blood from the slap his father gave him and cried on my shoulder.
He left that evening.
Perhaps I failed him as his uncle. It was not his fault he was born to a man in pain and with a big hole in hisheart.
I will be visiting him next week in jail. He has been asking about me.
I wonder if he was prepared.
