DISCLAIMER
At times it may seem like I may be bashing my father, so before I continue allow me to say that is not the case whatsoever. I truly believe that my father did the best possible.
My father was born in Mexico during the 50’s and immigrated(illegaly: more on that in a later post) to the United States over 30 years ago. He had no formal education and was illiterate. He is a survivor and has made a great life in the U.S. despite that handicap.
MEN NEED MEN TO BE MEN
I often hear that men need to just be men. Usually it is a woman that is disgusted by the behaviour of a man in his life.
The issue that comes into play and one that has really hit home is:
Who is teaching us to be men? Our fathers I would think or at the very least other men in our lives.
However, in most cases (at least for myself) we do not have the obvious teaching occuring.
For example: shaving. It is the modern day man’s only evident Rite of Passage.
My father did not teach me. I stumbled through it and still don’t think I do a good job.
One would think a father would and should teach his son.
I believe he would have had he known that he needed to do so but he “didn’t know what he didn’t know”.
My father’s teachings have been immense. He has taught me and given me my work ethic. He has taught me courage and stubborness. He has taught me many things.
How the hell was I supposed to learn how to be a gentleman if my father was a roughneck mexican? My father never talked to me about how to approach a woman I was attracted to. Hell, my father never even talked to me about women.
Seriously! I have had so many people tell me just to be myself… seriously? Oh you, of great values and charm!
I am who I am! Despite the many changes that I have made in my life, my core values and beliefs are stronger.
These belief changes have made a more grounded person that is not going to sway just because it’s a little breezy. One that accepts pain and expects the pain… because it will come no matter what. Yet I am also one that know there is beauty in every corner. EVERY FUCKIN CORNER! (Oh look, my beauty…)
I have had to learn the hard way. My poor father did the best he could. He did.
One would have hoped that our fathers would give us all the tools we need to succeed, but that’s impossible. They don’t have the tools to give to us. They are all trying to do the best they can.
AND A-RANTING I GO….
It is my duty and responsibility to pick learn these skills and tools and max them the hell out to give to the next generation.
So to all those that think they have it all figured out… kiss my ass. (Damn I am an asshole.)
I know this entire blog may have taken a turn for the dark and bleek. In reality I believe it has become my escape. My escape to just unload a lot my frustrations. And for that I thank you if you are still reading this. I love you.
I suppose I am just fed up with people telling me what I “should” do. I should do X and Y because that is what they believe. I listen and at times I apply those teachings they share, but if I don’t apply them… I swear it is not personal. I simply don’t believe it is something I agree with.
Yes, your intentions are good. Yes, I appreciate you sharing.
But FUCK! Let me be! My lessons are not your lessons. I am not some deadbead father that is contemplating suicide and molesting little girls.
I seem to be doing OK in my life. I am doing the best I can. If I discover I am weak in certain areas, I address them. Your lessons are not my lessons. Your life is not my life. Your journey is not my journey. If I stumble and fuck up as I go along, guess what… so be it. Let me cry my pitiful little woes away.
If you disagree with my beliefs… GREAT! I don’t care. I am not living my life to persuade the world into believing all I believe is correct. It isn’t.
So please save your breath and closet full of “shoulds” to your yourself. Feel free to share, but please don’t shove. Now run along, while I try to figure out how the hell to shave without getting razor bumps.
Thank you.
