As humans, we often crave social connection. While some people do not require it a much as others because they are introverted and like their personal time, all humans still require a sense of social acceptability and personal relationships.
However, Loneliness tends to more perverse in men than in women. A study by Movember reveals that a devastating number of men feel like they have no friends. Whilst it showed that 51% of men say that they have less than two close friends, an alarming 13% said they had no close friends. And it even gets worse with age as Men over 55 were the most isolated. This is not to say that the number of friends a man has is directly linked to the degree of loneliness or friendlessness he has. It is just a general study to show how men view their relationships and life.
So why isn’t loneliness such a big issue for women? First, loneliness is an issue facing both sexes. It is just more prevalent in men. For example, gender studies have repeatedly shown that women are more likely to have deeper social networks than men. From childhood, women are socialized or programmed to value friendship, confide in their friends, and to foster deep intimacy with close friends. Even when men have close friends, they may feel uncomfortable sharing emotions or sharing feelings of vulnerability. In essence, women mostly form close friendships based on emotional connections while men mostly form theirs on shared interest or activity.
Apart from that, let’s examine some of the reasons why men suffer from loneliness:
- Gender and societal programming
As men, we are taught to be rugged, assertive and above all manly from early childhood. During our lifetime, these messages are reinforced over and over again through various media and marketing about what it means to be a man. Don’t believe me? Open up any men’s magazine and look at the adverts. From shaving to sports, to beer, The high-testosterone content is clearly evident.
While there is nothing wrong with being manly and masculine, these messages seem definitely doing guys more harm than good. They are causing an epidemic of men in our society who feel isolated, abandoned, and alone. One of the major reasons why men feel lonely is because of the outrageous masculine demands society places on them.
- Fear of appearing weak and talking about feelings
This is a direct result of the societal demands of masculinity. One of the worst things a man can possibly do in this climate is to appear weak which is caused by vulnerability. The most effective way to communicate your feelings is by allowing yourself to be vulnerable which gender norms interpret as weakness.
This issue is a self-replicatiing cycle of masculinity. Men may discourage sons from showing weakness or emotion. Boys also witness their fathers modeling stoic behavior and would take on these traits themselves. This way, the negative stigma associated with emotionally connecting to other men passes from one generation to the next. Thus, no matter how far we’ve come, this is still a big issue.
- Few Bonding Opportunities
It is not a secret that men form friendships from shared activities like sports, gym and work. While these are good places to share bonding experiences with a person, they are not places that allow vulnerability and shared feelings. Even after these experiences are gone or you no longer partake in those shared experiences, you realise how fleeting such relationships are and how they might not even survive that change.
So what can men about their loneliness? First, we must acknowledge that there is a problem and resolve to do something about it. Luckily, men are trying to to build and construct healthy relationships that would help to reduce loneliness. According to GoodTherapy, here are a few important ways you can help tackle men’s loneliness:
- Join groups and communities that encourage intimacy like churches, volunteer organizations, and support groups. These may offer groups specifically for men looking for closer relationships.
- Look out for and seek a relationship with men from those groups who are willing to talk about their own need for emotional connection.
- Take a more active role in your family relationships and seek the develop a level of intimacy in them.
- Become a model of masculinity to younger men and boys. That way, they can see that there is nothing wrong with being vulnerable which can reduce the self-replicating cycle of young men
To sum up, you can also look at therapy as means of developing yourself and improve your relationships. Luckily, we at OnBecomingAMan.com are a community of young men who share experiences ranging from life, love and christianity. We would love to have in our group. You can contact us today by email: onbecomingaman@gmail.com. Thank you and God bless you.
