It’s Father’s day! A celebration of the men who have played the most significant role in every child’s life. To “father” means to treat with protective care. It means being involved, behaving responsibly, being emotionally engaged, physically available, providing financial support, having influence, and making the best decisions for the all-around growth and development of children.
However, what does it exactly mean to not just be a father but the significant male role model in the life of our children in a way that teaches core values and principles that would mould their future?
We asked 3 of the fathers in our community 3 relevant questions to get a glimpse of what it means to properly raise children. Here are their responses:
Oluwaseyi Fabunmi
Oluwaseyi Fabunmi is a multi-award-winning producer and director. An alumnus of the Sundance Film Institute (2015). He has also volunteered for several humanitarian initiatives, including The Widows’ Relief and Programme (Project WRAP) and Slum2school Africa.
He is married to Gbemisola Fabunmi and they are blessed with two kids, Adesire and Oluwadarasimi Fabunmi.
1. What’s the most memorable moment you have had with your father?
The most memorable moment I had with my father was when I was in secondary school. He was the first person to help me understand the dignity of labour. He was a contractor and a painter. When I finished my final exams in JSS 3, he took me to one of his jobs in Obafemi Awolowo University (OAU), to paint some of the hostels at the time. The funny thing was that he accommodated and fed me and also paid me for the work I did. That gesture made me understand the value of work and paying for things because I wasn’t just working, I was also getting paid which was a source of motivation at a young age. That phase has also helped in my own business with the people that currently work with me. I understand the value of what they bring to the table and I always strive to pay them well because I know that in their happiness, lies the success of the work I do.
2. What’s your hack for creating the ideal work-life-family balance?
My major thing is that I just want to be present. As a father, one thing I know is the early stage of my children’s growth is very important to me because absence from that stage may result in absence from their entire lives. I don’t joke with every moment and opportunity I can spend time with them. I watch their cartoons with them even on the phone. I answer their questions no matter how naive they seem, and have as many laughs and jokes as possible. I take them out on walks and play with them. For me, basically being present is the major thing on my mind. I want to ensure that if they have any questions or worries, they are free to come to me, their dad. This has really helped because they always open up to me.
3. If you have one message or advice to share with fathers-to-be, what will that be?
My advice to new or aspiring fathers is to strive to set out boundaries and define who you want to be and how you want your family to run, as early as possible. There is no perfect rule that fits all. You make your own rules and you have to live with every decision you make which would have both positives and negatives. Don’t run from them, stay with it but be open to new things, accommodate new ideas and try them out to see what works for you and your children. Finally, prepare yourself to be the man that you want your kids to be proud of.
Akinwunmi Akowonjo
Akinwunmi Akowonjo is a social impact strategist and a Senior Programs Manager at FATE Foundation. He has a Bsc. in Computer Engineering and MSc in Information Technology.
Akinwunmi is married to Yewande and together they have a daughter, Oreofeoluwa Aviyah.
1. What’s the most memorable moment you have had with your father?
I’ve had a couple of memorable moments with my father but there are a few that stand out. One of such for me was when I passed my WAEC/GCE in SSS 2 and SSS 3 respectively. He said to me: “With this result, I believe you can do anything that you choose to do, and you can succeed at it.” Those words went on to be a solid bedrock in launching my career in anything that I wanted to do.
I studied Computer Engineering and along the way, I remember deciding to leave the course while I was already in the university. However, my father insisted that I go ahead and still study Computer Engineering, because he believed that I could do it. He even got someone to speak to me and just tell me why I could still go on with the course and be successful at it. Of course, I went on to study computer engineering and graduated at the time that I was meant to, and I really owe that to my father. .
Another moment was when I told him that I wanted to get married. I was scared because I didn’t know what he was going to say. Something like being too young to get married and all of that. Eventually, I told him and he was genuinely excited for me to do the wedding before the day that we had anticipated we would do it. I even remember him crying at my wedding. I mean, these are the moments that make me see the human part of my dad beyond being the stern and firm man I mostly knew him to be.
2. What’s your hack for creating the ideal work-life-family balance?
For me, one of the things that help you to create the right work-life balance is by enjoying what you do. That way, you would be confident and happy with yourself, which will translate into how you treat your family. When you’re at work, be available at work, when you’re at home, be available at home. It’s important to form friendships with your wife and your children, so that home does not seem like work. Your home is not where your burden has been increased. Rather, home is where your burden should be lightened. Basically, give all the attention to work when you are at work and give all the attention to home when you’re at home.
Let your family understand how much you love them and are committed to them, how much you are working for them to have a good future. Be available and present you can, so that when you are not available, they will understand, and it will feel like you’re abandoning your family.
Family is priority, family is king and you shouldn’t lose your family at the expense of work, money and anything. Of course, you need to work to take care of this family, but when you give them your presence, your attention. When you are available, they will know that when you are not there. It’s not because you do not love them but because you have to get some work done to make money for the family.
3. If you have one message or advice to share with fathers-to-be, what will that be?
You should be intentional about who the mother of your children will be. One of the best gifts you can give any child is loving the mother of that child. Invest in prayer. Pray for your children, pray about their future, and pray about who they would marry. I mean, make your children the priority of your decisions. Think about them, don’t do things just because it pays you, but let your children always be in your thoughts.
Your children are your investment. Invest your time, emotions, money, prayers, resources and other things because they would naturally return to you. Spend time with them. We see a lot of fathers today who spend money on their children and it’s very good. However, I see a generation of people who lack guidance, because their fathers were absent. Sometimes, not by anybody’s fault, but when you are available even if you’re not married to the child’s mother, be present in the life of that child to provide guidance, support, prayers and leadership for your children. I hope that helps.
Olatoyin Taiwo
Oluwatoyin Taiwo is a practicing Christian with a desire to impact the body of Christ through the instrumentality of the pen. A first class graduate of Chemical Engineering from the University of Lagos, he is a seasoned professional with nearly a decade of practice under his belt.
He is married to Joy Taiwo, and together they have 2 lovely sons, Lemuel and Samuel.
1. What’s the most memorable moment you have had with your father?
The most memorable moment I had with my father was perhaps a trip we took when I was very young. We went from our hometown in Sagamu to Ibadan, and it was just me and him. He carried me on his lap for a good part of the journey. It was for a church programme, and he used to be the children’s teacher. I don’t know what it was, it was probably just the fact of spending time with my dad that made it stand out. I remember him showing me the Guru Maraji shrine on the way to Ibadan. Yeah, that stands out as probably my most memorable moment.
Other moments would probably be our Sunday trips to church. We used to walk and it was a long distance and he’d allow us to do some climbing here and there and I mentioned this because I felt it was a lot of fun. We used to look forward to him just walking us through and letting us be playful on the way to church. Yeah, it really was that one journey for me and then maybe the regular trips to church. I don’t recall what happened at that event in Ibadan, but I do recall the journey itself and the travelling.
2. What’s your hack for creating the ideal work-life-family balance?
The hack is to never forget what’s important. Always remind yourself what your priority is because things come at us fast and we don’t always get to choose what we have to take on. There are always deadlines, career or job changes, family and many other things that just happen.
At the end of the day, ask ‘what am I really going to be happy about and what is most important to me? Will it be my accomplishments or time spent with my family? Will it be my friendships, relationships or my social investment? I know that for most people the answer would be that all of this should be important. However, there are priorities. if you stack them up against one another, one thing will always weigh more than another. There are days when work is overwhelming, days when it’s just all family time, days when it is an equal split, days spent with friends or with extended family, and days when you’re just volunteering here or there.
In the end, when one particular aspect gets overwhelming, the key is to remember whether it is really what you’ll be excited about when you look back. Better still, take a step back into your past and ask yourself, ‘what have I always looked forward to?’ Those are the things you should be investing your time in right now. This balance varies for everybody so keep in mind what matters the most to you. Don’t get distracted looking at what other people around are doing because everybody has a different balance of activities in their lives. Just remember the mix of things that matter the most to you, and keep that in mind.
3. If you have one message or advice to share with fathers-to-be, what will that be?
My advice would be to not exclude yourself from any part of your children’s life. There is always that risk of thinking a certain part is not necessary for you to do because their mother or someone else could handle it. One parent cannot be everything to a child. Nevertheless, a parent should never be excluded from any part of their kid’s lives. Plan to be very involved in every aspect of their lives. That, for me, is how to know you are building a holistic relationship with your children and subsequently passing on your values to them.
Happy Father’s Day!