Building Godly relationships, as the term suggests, betrays its content. As men of God, we are ordained to find and maintain relationships that protect and positively influence our spiritual life with God. There are at least 3 dimensions of inquiry that are evident from this topic:
- There cannot be a Godly relationship without God
- If some relationships are called Godly, then there would be others which can be categorized as ungodly
- The word “building” is the present continuous tense of the verb “build” which suggests a process that is ongoing rather than an end state
With this, let us examine the several aspects of Godly relationships and how to build and maintain them.
God, Godliness and Godly Relationships
It goes without saying that God alone can be the author and sustainer of any relationship that will be Godly. There isn’t a lot of room for negotiation here – a relationship might be nice, good, beautiful, happy but not necessarily godly.
A godly relationship originates from and finds its root in God. It is one that advances the counsel of God, is rooted firmly in divine purpose and upheld by Heaven’s provisions. To be clear, a godly relationship pursues the interest of the King!
In Proverbs 3: 5-7, the scriptures enjoin us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and to acknowledge HIM in all our ways. It promises that God will direct our paths. “ALL” includes our relationships.
Here is how the Message translation renders it: “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track.”
The starting point, therefore, of godly relationships, is for individuals to learn to commit all their ways into God’s hands. These are people who would not make exceptions in their relationships while claiming to trust God for everything else. They do not carve out one section of their lives where they choose to rely only on their senses while putting their faith in God in other areas.
Another key point is that people who live as described above do not live for themselves; they live only for the Master’s pleasure. Note that implicit in listening to God’s voice in everything you do is a willingness to pursue only God’s counsel – including in our relationships.
2nd Corinthians 5:15 says: “And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.”
A godly relationship is one where both partners – the man and the woman – have some clarity about God’s purpose for bringing them together; and this purpose becomes the primary pursuit and focus of their relationship.
Building a Godly Relationship: How long does it take?
Building a Godly relationship is a continuous process. Since the character of a relationship is simply a reflection of the lives of the partners, if they continue to grow in their walk with God, then the relationship will continue to be Godly.
If, however, the individuals in the relationship are stagnant in their spiritual growth or stop allowing the Holy Spirit to direct their affairs, or succumb to pressure from the world system, then their relationship will also be hit.
Do not be deceived; an ungodly person cannot produce a Godly relationship. In Romans 8:8, the Bible says that those who are in the flesh cannot please God. That is, those who are ruled and controlled by their fleshly desires cannot produce anything that is acceptable to God.
Even if they seem to be doing good things, God will not be interested. The matter that God examines first, is the source of our action/offering rather than the action itself. For example, an unmarried couple living in fornication and giving all their income to orphanages should not expect that God will accept their offering.
The Opposite of Godly Relationships
Some relationships are called Godly specifically because others are not. Unfortunately, there is no middle ground – your relationship is either Godly or it is not.
An ungodly relationship is not rooted in God nor does it find its source and sustenance in God’s counsel. The principal focus of this kind of relationship is personal pleasure. It amplifies convenience and self-gratification as the most important determinants of a good relationship and relies heavily on only the senses to make judgements. At its core, it is a superficial feel-good philosophy even if it is cloaked in “Christianese”.
How do we confirm and continue to know God’s will in our relationship?
Our walk with God is entirely by faith. If for example, you have a deadline to respond to a job offer and you’ve been praying about it up until the deadline approaches. As long as your heart has been sincere, you can respond based on the nudge in your spirit as at the date of the deadline.
As we walk with God, we will become acquainted with His voice and understand how He speaks to us. But, at the core it, our walk with HIM is by faith.
How do you know if your Relationship pleases God?
The only way to know is if there is clarity about God’s purpose for bringing you together. God does not bring people together without a purpose for them and especially for his kingdom. For example, if God wants you to raise disciples for him, your partner would be someone who shares the same vision and supports you with everything there is to offer. To sum up, a Godly relationship is one that is founded on and sustained by God’s counsel.