Parenting generally refers to the continuous process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. It captures the intricacies of raising a child or children, as the case might be, whether they are biologically yours or not.
It is important that I emphasize that the ultimate goal of parenting is not for us to be celebrated or awarded the tagline ‘Parent of the year’. It is for our children to please God, succeed in all areas of their lives, and then pass on the godly values down to the next generation, and so on. Parenting must be intentional. Proverbs 22:6 reads:
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it. (New Living Translation)
As seen in this passage, parenting is a partnership between you and God. It is very easy for us, as parents, to forget that we are just custodians of and guardians to the child(ren) with whom God has blessed us. You may be surprised to learn that God is more interested in what your child(ren) could ever become than you!
Do not let the associated responsibilities and activities of parenting or the wrongly conceived or misadvised competition in the society distract you from the most important yardsticks of godly parenting.
Here are some of the parenting styles you should know about:
- Authoritarian Parenting
Authoritarian parents are often thought of as disciplinarians. They use a strict discipline style with little or no negotiation possible. Punishment is common and communication is mostly one-sided: from parent to child.
The rules are usually not explained to the child and they may not be told why they should follow it. Parents who use this style are typically less nurturing and their expectations are high, with limited flexibility.
- Permissive Parenting
Permissive or indulgent parents mostly let their children do what they want, and offer limited guidance or direction. They act more like friends than parents. Their discipline style is the opposite of strict. They have limited or no rules and mostly let children figure problems out on their own.
Communication is open and these parents let children decide for themselves rather than give direction. Parents in this category tend to be warm and nurturing. Their expectations are typically minimal. Sometimes, they do not set expectations.
- Uninvolved Parenting
Uninvolved parents give children a lot of freedom and generally stay out of their way. Some parents may make a conscious decision to parent in this way, while others are less interested in parenting or unsure of what to do.
No particular discipline style is utilized and an uninvolved parent lets a child mostly do what she/he wants, probably out of a lack of information or care. Communication is limited and uninvolved parents offer little nurturing. Uninvolved parents have few or no expectations of their children.
- Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parents are reasonable and nurturing. They also set high, clear expectations. Children with these types of parents tend to be self-disciplined and think for themselves. This style is thought to be most beneficial to children.
In this parenting setup, disciplinary rules are clear and the reasons behind them are explained. Communication is frequent and appropriate to the child’s level of understanding.
Authoritative parents are nurturing. They clearly set high expectations and goals for their child(ren) who may have input in the goal-setting process.
What should be my parenting style?
Few of us fit neatly into one single parenting style, but rather raise children using a combination of styles. Think of the four styles as a continuum instead of four distinct ways to parent. Ideally, we think about our children and what they need from us at specific points in time.
For example, while a parent might not typically adopt an authoritarian parenting style, there might be times in a child’s life when that style is needed. Or you might know an authoritarian parent who is nurturing, contrary to the description above. You should raise godly children in accordance with the manual of He who gave you the children.
You must find out what his intentions are for each child — and this could vary from child to child. His intentions are in His words which he will reveal to you as you spend time in the Scriptures, prayerfully observe patterns and signals in your day-to-day living with your child(ren), and discover more about their personality, strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes and behaviour patterns.
There are three important tools for raising Godly children: The Word, Prayer, and Confession.
The Word God gives to you must be the bedrock of your Prayer whenever you are communicating with Him about your children. You must believe that the word given to you by God is enough to secure and guide the child in the right direction at all times – from childhood to adulthood.
You should pray about anything concerning each child’s life that you may not like. Nothing is too small to leave out! Pray about any and every sign that does not glorify God. Also, thank God for the things in your children’s lives that glorify Him.
Don’t wait till they’re all grown. Play with them. Hear them speak. Observe the way they relate in school with peers and how they relate to mundane things. These are pointers to attitudes that one would either pray against or thank God for.
In conclusion, the only true way to raise a Godly child is for you – the parent, to be Godly. When your children see God in you, in all your dealings, conversations and interactions with people, and your constant prayer for them that they grow to love and cherish God, they will naturally gravitate towards God through your influence. Do not compare them with other children or talk down on them. Listen, listen, and listen some more. Be present!
